Internet Explorer 8 proposed 'features'

#1: "This server is using a flavor of Unix/Linux therefore I cannot render the page. Besides you don't want to see a page run by a machine with such an inferior os anyway."

#2: "This page is using a .Net class that we deprecated because Bill Gates slipped on a banana peal, therefore I cannot render the page."

# 3: "You are trying to access your gmail account, and not your 100% secure, never ever been hacked, hotmail account. You do have a hotmail account, don't you? Therefore I cannot render the page."

#4: "You are trying to access your bank account to verify your balance, and not downloading the information straight into Microsoft Money. Therefore I cannot render the page."

#5: "You own a Mac!!!! pbbbbtttt Therefore I cannot render the page."

#6: "You are using a flavor of Linux. Therefore I can only render pages that include gifs of penguins."

#7: "You have not prayed to Bill Gates, and or, you have not placed a curse on Steve Jobs, today. Therefore I cannot render the page."

#8: "You have not installed Vista, therefore I cannot render this page."

#9: "You have installed Vista, therefore I cannot render this page."

#10: "You have installed the latest service pack, which will cause errors on this page."

#11: "You are attempting to access a site with anti-Microsoft content, you will be redirected to the nearest pro-MS site."

#12: "Based on our analysis of your tax forms last year, your year to date income, and a randomly selected number; you are behind quota in donations to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. Access to the Internet is
denied."

#13: "Bill Gates is not number one on Forbes list of the richest people in the world, your internet access is disabled."

#14: "You have Firefox installed. Ouch he bit me, the rabid animal. Therefore I cannot render this page."

#15: "Open Office detected. Therefore I cannot render this page and we are
sending ninjas to your home."

#16: "Today is a good day to crash!!"

Feel free to add suggestions.