Stardate 56050.5 (5/5/2003)
It's been a week. Not that anything bad happened like in the previous entries. It's just that one of my depressions has kicked in, and I expend a lot of energy fighting it. Music helps, if I can find the right stuff. The problem there is that each time requires different songs. This time it seems that John Williams "Duel of the Fates" from "The Phantom Menace" is the one this time. Previous selections from past episodes have included "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch" from the Chuck Jones animated show, "Leaving Dry dock" from Star Trek: The Motion Picture, Rossini's "William Tell Overture", and AC/DC's "Back in Black". My psych 101 instructor used to shake his head each time he saw the variety of music I used to carry with a CD player. I remember taking a "standard" evaluation, and scoring in the "seek help". I don't put much stock in those things.
Describing the feeling is easy. There is a ball in my stomach. Self-pity consumes me, and I keep thinking of all the things that can and will go wrong. My term for this is "dark thinking", because it seems black and negative. It's hard to maintain focus on anything. It's at least somewhat genetic, because my mother would sometimes disappear for a while. My sister was seeing a therapist for the same thing. I have my family and the responsibilities that come with it to keep me going.
The Starfest convention in Denver this year from 56042.5 - 56042.7 sounded like great fun. I wish I could have gone, but it came down to a choice between feeding my family and going to the convention, and that's not a choice. Ray Meyer got to talk to Walter Koenig for about ten minutes. In all the conventions I have gone to I have never talked to the guests. That would be great, although I don't know what I would say. There is a convention coming to Salt Lake on July 25th. We were going to be in Yellowstone, but with finances the way they are now, April changes the plans. It looks like I will be coming back the day before.
My brother Verne came over from Indianapolis. He's on his way to San Francisco. He works as a mechanic for United Air Lines. They have shut down the maintenance base in Indy, much to the indignation of the city and after much fanfare a few years ago opening it up. Verne only has to work to the end of the year to retire with full benefits, so he applied and got a position in San Francisco.
The day Verne came up, 56050.2, my Dad took us out to dinner. April and I were looking forward to a good meal. In the middle of it, Thomas started screaming and saying his foot hurt. He's not one to complain unless the pain is very real, so April and I took him to the clinic. As I was telling everyone where we were going, Patrick lost another tooth. Thomas's big toe swelled up. Given the events with my foot, we were nervous and I kept checking it. After a day or so, the swelling went down and now he seems fine. One thing I did feel bad about is Rachel had a friend, Audrea, staying the night. I don't know if she had a good time or not, but I hope she does come back sometime.
I volunteered for the U-6 Boys soccer coordinator. The previous person is leaving since her children have outgrown AYSO. I am still coaching on top of that, so I don't know if I am crazy or not.
I found out today that there is another grade level for software developers at work. My title is Senior Software Developer, which is the level 28 title. My grade level is 27. I had so many titles over the years that it really doesn't matter, but I wonder if it pays much more.
End of log entry.